Outcast

Outcast
I'm an outcast
Join the club, put on the badge
Learn the secret handshake

On the outskirts of the life
I'm a lonely solo one
Off to the side, out of the spotlight
Away from the view of the world

In a room full of people
In a crowd of friends
I melt into the background

Observer,
Not participator
An onlooker to the game

Pushed out of the circle
Done, not by others, but by self
The wrong cog
That won't make the clock turn

The apple among oranges
The swan among pigeons
The stroke of blues among shades of red
SOMETHING DOES NOT BELONG

There's an outcast
Can you find her?
Here's a hint:
She only doesn't belong in. her. mind.

The Thinker - Yet Another Poem...

I am a thinker. I think. Faster than I can speak, ideas race through my mind. I flit here and there, from topic to topic, not stopping, nor slowing. Racing past me, I only glimpse the slightest before I'm off again.

Living a life in my head, the clouds being mere wisps, I am left in the garden, but distracted from the roses. The flowers become simple, colored blurs in my mind. My memory made to worth nothing. Too many thoughts that I cannot keep track of. No re-tellings. The thought is of the moment.

For it is a chore. Staying in the moment is a bother. Always moving forward. Not by choice, but because I cannot look back.

And I want to look back. I want to remember. I want to stop along the stone path and smell the bright and inviting flowers. I want to take a moment and feel pain as the thorns prick my finger. I want to be conscious of thought. Slow, savoring. The brilliant glow of the moment, of the memory.

But I can't. I can't slow down. I can't keep up. Full speed ahead. Stopping's dangerous. Stopping's bad. It will throw your train from the track. It'll mess up your plans, mess everything up. It will ruin you. It will ruin what you have, what you know.

It'll change things. Changing will change things. It will force you to adapt. But I am not mold-able. And I don't want to stop. And I don't want to slow. But I want to see the petals. And I want to remember life.

I am a thinker. I think. Because that's the only thing I can do.

Haunted - Another Poem

Haunted

I'm haunted
Haunted by the memories
Haunted by the mistakes

Haunted by bitterness
And regrets

Haunted by the apparitions
The ones that refuse to disappear
Into meaningless nothingness

Haunted by the
What ifs and maybes and whys

Haunted by commitments
Haunted by requirements
Haunted by failed decisions

Haunted by expectations
Too high to reach
Too close to brush off

I can't run
You can't run when
You're being haunted

I can't hide
You can't hide when
You're being haunted

When you're haunted
You're trapped
You're simply a shadow
Of your being

You're lost
But you're there
And you certainly can't leave

You're at a dead end
In your maze
And just as you turn around
The walls begin to close in

And they're mocking you
The walls
Because they know as well as you do
That you can't get out

I'm haunted by my life
What's left of it
The remains of the person
I used to be

Haunted by the pounding of my heart
Haunted by the blood running in my veins
Haunted by the betrayal
I betrayed myself

I'm endlessly haunted
And I'm about to break
Because I can't take it anymore
Because it has to stop.

And
As we all know
You're only haunted
Till the day you die

So I sit
And live
And wait
For this haunting to be over

WWYD - A Poem

What do you do
When your world has come crashing
Down upon your head?

Like being caught in a thunderstorm
Without an umbrella
Or a sign of shelter.

Drowning in the raindrops
Made salty by other people's tears
And fears and worries.

And you're stuck in the dangerous whirlwind
Of their wide-spreading
And inescapable influences.

What would you do
If everything you felt
Everything you thought and felt and did
Left you with a sick feeling
In your stomach
That just wouldn't go away?

It's your fault.
Even if it's not your problem.

What do you do
When your heart is caught
In your throat

Choking you with sorrow
To the point where
You can't take in a single breath
Or defend yourself
Against yourself?

When it feels like
A boa constrictor
Is crushing your chest
And you know that your
Already breaking, fragile heart
Will not survive.

What should I do
Since I'm powerless
Against the powers that be?

And I'm imprisoned
In the jail cell
Whose bars
Are my own regrets.

When the one who is the one
Has melted into
Something resembling
Nothing.

What do I do
When I'm lost and alone
An alien on my version
Of planet Earth?

Feeling helpless.
Hopeless.
Heartless.

What can I do
Now that I have become Atlas
And the fate of my world
Rests in my petite hands?

(How can my world
Rest in my petite hands?)

What do I do
Now that I am stopped
At life's crossroad
And both paths
Are blocked?

And it's
...
it's
...
it's like
---
I'll never be enough.

Even when
I'm everything
I can possibly be.

I will Never. Be. Enough.

Breath in the Taste of a New Year

"This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you telling you I'm sorry..."

Happy 2011 people! No, I did not write this in 1 minute seeing as it was posted at 12.01pm Jan. 1. I was a good girl and I planned ahead. Currently, it is 12.27am December 28th. I've been up all night working on this and my school blog (Gilly Lit! Go there. Now!) and I've been burning through the M&Ms my friend got me for Christmas. I don't think I'll be slowing down anytime soon so I decided to get this post out of the way.

So, after many failed attempts and one passing attempt, I have finally decided to swallow my pride and go ahead and just do this. Get it over with. Because I have so many opinions that it's come down to the point where I will either pop or five in. And popping isn't apparently an option according to my lovely Editor.

So welcome! To this blog! It may not look like much at first and it probably won't be. But that's at first. It'll probably be sucky at first. But stick with me and I'll stick with you. We'll get through this together.

So hi! This is just the intro post. Once I get my head on straight, I'll probably just put an "About This" page because it's much easier. But, for now, this is required. I'll forgive you if you don't read it. But that's simply because I don't want to write it. :-)

So hi! This is my place, my blog, my home for sudden inspirations. That was a name possibility, actually. Sudden Inspirations. Sounds nice, doesn't it? I considered a bunch of names for this blog. Breathtaking Collisions, Chance Encounters, OpenHearted Confessions, etc. I went through A LOT. And it's hilarious that I ended up coming back to my original name: Amazingly Hysterical.

If you know me well enough, you should know that I made a blog called Amazingly Hysterical. I posted about my life. Random stuff, really. Because I'm a random girl. Well, after some inspiration, I wanted to start of anew. I wanted something unaffected by my past history. So I stored all my AH stuff on another, unpublished blog and I cleared it out. All that was left was to get over myself and post.

....

I've stalled long enough. I made it to about 425 word(ish) without even introducing myself or the blog. How dare I!

So hi! (I've said that way too many times already) I'm Syd but I'll be writing under the name of Gilly, a play on my last name. So refer to me as Gilly por favor! I'm a writer, or at least I want to be. That's pretty much the goal of this. To determine and enhance my writing voice.

And it's a place to store my ramblings, rants, and writings of that sort.

So enjoy people! And you're allowed to LINK anything here, as long as you're not copying and pasting and stealing my work. I tolerate many things and condone many more. But, if you still my chiz, I will pull a Taken and I will find you and I will destroy you. Huggles♥