"I always watched that show. Which was your favorite?"
"I liked the pink one. Everyone did."
"No! She's too perfect. Buttercup's the best."
"You're always like that, Sydney."
"Like what?" I was clueless, as usual.
I purposely go against the crowd. At least, according to Sheila. She said I always tried to be different, to think different. I told her that I was as mainstream as mainstream came, giving my taste in music as evidence. I then promptly distracted her with a recollection of a funny event that had happened earlier that day that she missed while she was in the bathroom. We laughed off the moment and that little moment was most likely forgotten. For her, I mean. I still visit that moment and, more often than not, go off on one of two tangents.
I often ponder my explanation to Sheila. Why would I ever want her to think that I was (am) mainstream? I have to hide my Seventeen magazine subscription from her out of the fear that she'd be disappointed. She might think that I'm going to the dark side (which side is that, I wouldn't be able to say). But this tangent often leads to more questions. Was I anti-mainstream for Sheila? Why was I selectively main? How do I subconsciously choose what to tell her? Am I mainstream? This leads to the other tangent. Am I considered to (somewhat) be anti-stream?
Honestly, if you asked me and gave me enough time to contemplate it, I'm neither nor. I dabble in life and I wear oxymorons like I wear my favorite pair of Converse. I am not a single thing. I am a combination of so many things. It’s like making black out of other colors. It’s warmer that way, more human, more relatable.
Being a combination of things, I thus have a combination of influences in my life. While I am not all the way mainstream, I am not completely anti-mainstream. My iPod is filled with Top-40 pop but I know old school soul songs by heart. I like flimsy and frivolous chick flicks more than anything with substance. But that’s simply a personal choice. My biggest influence comes from the media. I take away what I will, what makes sense. I read about other people’s ideas and perceptions and whatever is plausible is added as a possibility. I am my own ideas tweaked by my experiences in life. Only what I choose to influences me. I shall not be subjected to ideas without a base foundation strong enough to support my own weight.
Giving enough thought to it, I do suppose that I am somewhat subconsciously anti-stream. When given the chance, I would go the other way. Take the left line, go the traveled road because others would take the less traveled. I would hate popular things and I abhor the very sacrilege gum that seems to have wedged itself into the woodworks of my school. But I cannot say if I do that because others are doing the opposite. I enjoy what I do. Is it me going against the grain or is it the grain being against me? Who truly decides what is or is not mainstream? Dictionary.com defines mainstream as “the principal or dominant course, tendency, or trend. However, with all of the people going anti-stream, are they becoming the new mainstream? It is an oxymoron in itself.
