*Thoughts* and ~Feelings~

May 1, 2010

10.10 PM

Yeah… I kind of made this in February and that was like about 3, 4 months ago but I’m here now!

I’ve been grounded for about (not exact at all today) a month now. No laptop, no internet, no Mangaka club, no staying after school. Joy.

What exactly did I do, you ask? Well, I didn’t turn in some assignments for bio (I went through a rough patch, okay?). Being the nice person she is, Ms. Benz (who is preggers, by the way! And Mr. Hinrichs just had a Madison) gave me a second chance to redo them. I did and got full credit.

However, it seemed as if as soon as I got it back up, I was grounded! Now don’t get me wrong here, I know I was bad and deserved it. But come on! The zeros were on Edline for a while and nothing happened.

The fact that I’m grounded indefinitely (a word Anthony and Amy has come to hate) doesn’t help the situation either. I mean, once again, I was in the bad. But come on! The reason I’m grounded is that I didn’t keep my grades up. It would make perfect sense if I was grounded for as long as my grades were down because they’re up now.

Onto more other things, our internet is down. I guess I wouldn’t have looked at this if it wasn’t for that. I took the opportunity to clean out my computer, deleting things and such. Squeaky clean and running a tad bit faster!

Lately, my obsessions have been a little bipolar. I’m getting back into some old fads. I remember a while back I used to play Fusion Fall, a MMRPG. It’s no WoW but definitely a bit more advanced than VMK. The chat needs work and frustrates the crap out of me but I manage.

Fusion Fall is by Cartoon Network and contains many classic cartoon characters. The story, in so many words, there’s this evil dude, named Fuse,  who’s trying to take over the world (heard that, tried that, want complete it) that you (the players) and the cartoon characters live in by infecting everything with fusion matter and by creating “Fusion” versions of the cartoon characters.

The main shows featured are Codename: Kids Next Door (every other weapon is made by them), Dexter’s Laboratory (he’s your guide during the game), and The Powerpuff Girls (many can be found. Buttercup’s even an uber villain), and more. The neighborhoods are ones found in the TV shows, such as Foster’s Home and Peach Creek.

I stopped playing it because I got to a point you can only pass if you pay. There ain’t no way I’m paying for an online game. No chance at all. That’s why I can’t stand ToonTown and other sites like that. I’ve got better things to do with my money. [Oh sweet lord. I just edited the above paragraph. I’ve got to make a rule that what goes down stays down.]

I have been bored recently, and I needed something to do. So naturally, I went back to the basics, visiting my old game sites. Ever since VMK went down two Marchs ago (I cried like a baby when it did.), I’ve lost my interest. It’s kind of sad, is it not? Anyway, I went to Cartoon Network’s website. On there, I saw a promotion for the game. I’m like, “Hm… haven’t been there in a while. Let’s check it out.”

There it was on the home page, in bright and big letters. “FUSION FALL IS NOW FREE TO EVERYONE.” I was as giddy as possible. Now I can complete it! My search for a game obsession is over. Yay.

On to other obsessions, the game has led me old things. Recently, I had gone back to old manga and anime, Sailor Moon and  Mew Mew Power, and cartoons, Totally Spies, FF has a bunch of cartoons in it, which renewed my vigor for it. I am now in love with Codename: Kids Next Door, The Powerpuff Girls, and Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

Graduation’s coming up next month and I’ve realized my mom’s been lying to me for a while. That comes of no surprise but I’ll talk about that later.  I ask her if my thighs are too large. She just says no and asks if I think they’re supposed to be stick thin. I looked at myself the other day and noticed that my thighs are really jiggley with excessive skin around it. Same with my waist and arms. I’m getting out of-tone! Bad bad bad! I have a strapless short dress and I’m not going to look crappy in it.

I have a month to lose 10 pounds. I was talking to Johnny the other day (which will be mentioned later). He weighs 130 and is taller than me. I went to the doctors the other day and I think I weigh 122. Too close for comfort. I want to get down to 110, an even 100 if I’m lucky. Either that or grow taller.

Which is another issue for me (I know I have lots). I’m only 5’1”. Amy, who’s always been smaller than me, is 5’3”. I am not amused! This is so freaking frustrating that I’m short. I either must grow taller or start wearing heels.

Speaking of heels, I need a pair for my graduation and luncheon dresses. I went to DSW and found a darling pair of dressy sandal heels that are sling backs (I think) and are strappy. Very nice. In store, I found it in black in my size and they fit perfectly! Unfortunately, I need a pair in white. They have it, not at the store though. The shoe’s not even found at the store’s website. The person’s website doesn’t even mention they do shoes. Every else I look for it it’s not in my size. It’s cheaper, but it’s in a half size above and below. Those shoes are stuck in my head and I will not accept anything else. They have a 2 inch heel (making me 5’3” and 2 inches happier) and 

go perfectly with the dresses.

Speaking of dresses, I’ve been at ends with myself about length. What’s too short? I hate floor-length and anything longer than mid-calf. Shorter than knee and then it’s a controversy. I started actually looking at skirts and dresses regular girls wear that look okay and I noticed they’re definitely above knee-length. My mom freaks out about every little detail. If a dress is like, 2 inches above my knee, she thinks I’m acting fast. Ugh.

Speaking of mom, she’s been doing the conga on my last nerves. She’s always doing something. She’s clingy (I now know how much guys hate that) to the point of I’m going to either chew off my arm or hers. I want to go to the dance show on Friday and apparently, she doesn’t think I can stay at school till the show. I mean, for god’s sake! Amy’s going to be with me the entire time.

I hate being near her. It instantly frizzes me. When we’re in the car and I tell her I’m going to sleep, she gets on the phone with her friend (one of her few friends), turns off the radio, and proceeds to yell into the phone. She’s wearing a Bluetooth! He can hear her! I bet the people in the next car over can hear her.

She also eats noisily. When she eats sunflower seeds, she cracks each one with an annoying POP! I’m going insane. After she’s done popping, she somehow splinters the seed and then wetly spits out every piece. Everything she does is noisy and wet.

My personal pet peeve is people who chew gum annoyingly. Whether it’s snapping it repetitively like Tyler does in Spanish, Math, and Social Science, or smacking it like Erik does in Bio and Gym.  I almost die when my mom chews gum. It’s a combination of both combined with the radio turned off or down low, and me trying to sleep, it gets me pretty riled up. And I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she just does it more on purpose, like it’s fun. Kind of like she thinks she’s my friend.

She clearly told me when I was six that she was my mother and not my friend. She wants to go back on her word now and is trying to be my bestie. For one thing, I don’t have a best friend. That’s too complicated. And for another, if she was my age and a possibility, she would get nowhere close to being my friend. But I can’t tell her that of course. So I’ll just ignore her when she tries to get me to talk to her about clothes and boys.

Speaking of boys, what the heck is wrong with Jakey? Achey’s freaking out about him. She’s never liked him to the point of hate and the fact that Zebra told her that Jakey likes her has made her go insane at everything he does. She practically begged me to sit in-between them. It’s highly amusing but insane. Apparently [editing this again. Is looking for a thesaurus really that bad?], he and me (not proper grammar but I love rhymes and alliteration) have been getting “suspiciously” close-like. This is, of course, according to Achey who has, for some strange reason unknown to me and sane people, been keeping a close eye on us. But, the way she describes how we act is just like how she and Devoidee (who Imma about to kill because he’s sucking out the last of my patience during Bio) act during Social Science. 

Hm…

Guys are annoying. My book will probably have a section on them. Lulu has lectured me the greater part of last weekend about the fact that I kind of spazzed when Korey said he liked me. Jakey has been strangely, for there’s no other word I can think to use right now due to the fact I can’t use a thesaurus, affectionate lately. I feel like I’ve taken advantage of Galowich and I’m not “one of the guys” in Bio anymore, a position I really liked.

Another thing with Achey and guys is the fact that I can’t walk a straight line anymore. I use to could tip-toe the line between tomboy and girly girl. Now, I fall too far into one and get criticized. I don’t even like being in one section too much. I enjoy mixing my love for cop shows and a strange fascination for shoujo manga. It’s like I can’t wear a dress or skirt or something girly without giving up the identity I’ve worked hard to establish.

I’ve stopped being hungry and stopped wanting to sleep. I have a month to look okay for graduation and it’s going to be tough. I’m trying to be more positive thinking and actually do my homework. Basically, play by the book for the next month and a half or so. Ugh.

Wow. This ended up being much longer than I expected. I thought it would be a small article, just a sample of the day. I wrote nothing about what’s happened today, just about how I’m feeling.  I hate feelings. They get in the way of everything and that’s always an issue.

I’m just rambling right now. Currently, I have 77 words left. I want to make an even 2k. That would be wonderful. 2000 words and it has been just a few minutes over 4 hours later.

Crap. I just realized that it won’t be an even 2k because I have the cover page and heading. Oh well.