That Girl - Poem!

I'm that girl
Don't you remember me?
I'm that girl.

The one you bumped into
Just the other day
You didn't get a good look at her face
Too busy trying to make that movie
(Was your ice coffee worth the rush?)

I'm the girl
The one you don't notice
I don't blend into the background
I just don't stick out

I'm the one
Who made you laugh that one time
Not too hard
For you would have retold the story to your friends
And not with a brilliant joke.
You would have retold that too.

Just an innocent enough
Forgettable enough
Plain old chuckle.
(Do you finally get it?)

I am average.
Maybe slightly above
You wouldn't know
You don't even know the color of my eyes.

Even though we spent minutes
That felt like hours
Together in an elevator
Just staring at each other

Would you notice
If I bumped into you again?
If our paths were called upon
To 'X' once more?

Would you realize
That the girl who just walked past
Is someone you saw
Met
Laughed with before?

I am that girl
Who passes unnoticed,
Noticing everything that passes.

The girl of no importance.
A fading faint memory,
With a dreamlike difficulty of remembering.

Slipping through
The fingers of your mind
Like trying to grasp
Sun-kissed, sun-dried sand.

I am the girl
The one that no one cares about
That no one knows
That no one remembers
That no one can place their greasy fingers on.

Showing myself for the most fleeting of moments.

Don't feel bad.
Well, if you must, you must.
It's okay.
While it really shouldn't be.

You're not alone
You're not the only one.
I pass by many people
I touch many lives.

But that's just fine.

Because I'm not alone.
I'm not the only one.
There's other girls
Who walk by too
(And boys, I guess)

So it's just fine.
And I'm not alone.

Go on, live your life
Keep on not paying attention
To the person that just passed by

Let that laugh
Slip out of your memory

Let that girl
Stay in the elevator

And sure,
You can leave that
Bumped-into girl
On the sidewalk,
In the dust
(You shouldn't, really)

Because, guess what?
We invisibles are okay too.

Outcast

Outcast
I'm an outcast
Join the club, put on the badge
Learn the secret handshake

On the outskirts of the life
I'm a lonely solo one
Off to the side, out of the spotlight
Away from the view of the world

In a room full of people
In a crowd of friends
I melt into the background

Observer,
Not participator
An onlooker to the game

Pushed out of the circle
Done, not by others, but by self
The wrong cog
That won't make the clock turn

The apple among oranges
The swan among pigeons
The stroke of blues among shades of red
SOMETHING DOES NOT BELONG

There's an outcast
Can you find her?
Here's a hint:
She only doesn't belong in. her. mind.

The Thinker - Yet Another Poem...

I am a thinker. I think. Faster than I can speak, ideas race through my mind. I flit here and there, from topic to topic, not stopping, nor slowing. Racing past me, I only glimpse the slightest before I'm off again.

Living a life in my head, the clouds being mere wisps, I am left in the garden, but distracted from the roses. The flowers become simple, colored blurs in my mind. My memory made to worth nothing. Too many thoughts that I cannot keep track of. No re-tellings. The thought is of the moment.

For it is a chore. Staying in the moment is a bother. Always moving forward. Not by choice, but because I cannot look back.

And I want to look back. I want to remember. I want to stop along the stone path and smell the bright and inviting flowers. I want to take a moment and feel pain as the thorns prick my finger. I want to be conscious of thought. Slow, savoring. The brilliant glow of the moment, of the memory.

But I can't. I can't slow down. I can't keep up. Full speed ahead. Stopping's dangerous. Stopping's bad. It will throw your train from the track. It'll mess up your plans, mess everything up. It will ruin you. It will ruin what you have, what you know.

It'll change things. Changing will change things. It will force you to adapt. But I am not mold-able. And I don't want to stop. And I don't want to slow. But I want to see the petals. And I want to remember life.

I am a thinker. I think. Because that's the only thing I can do.

Haunted - Another Poem

Haunted

I'm haunted
Haunted by the memories
Haunted by the mistakes

Haunted by bitterness
And regrets

Haunted by the apparitions
The ones that refuse to disappear
Into meaningless nothingness

Haunted by the
What ifs and maybes and whys

Haunted by commitments
Haunted by requirements
Haunted by failed decisions

Haunted by expectations
Too high to reach
Too close to brush off

I can't run
You can't run when
You're being haunted

I can't hide
You can't hide when
You're being haunted

When you're haunted
You're trapped
You're simply a shadow
Of your being

You're lost
But you're there
And you certainly can't leave

You're at a dead end
In your maze
And just as you turn around
The walls begin to close in

And they're mocking you
The walls
Because they know as well as you do
That you can't get out

I'm haunted by my life
What's left of it
The remains of the person
I used to be

Haunted by the pounding of my heart
Haunted by the blood running in my veins
Haunted by the betrayal
I betrayed myself

I'm endlessly haunted
And I'm about to break
Because I can't take it anymore
Because it has to stop.

And
As we all know
You're only haunted
Till the day you die

So I sit
And live
And wait
For this haunting to be over

WWYD - A Poem

What do you do
When your world has come crashing
Down upon your head?

Like being caught in a thunderstorm
Without an umbrella
Or a sign of shelter.

Drowning in the raindrops
Made salty by other people's tears
And fears and worries.

And you're stuck in the dangerous whirlwind
Of their wide-spreading
And inescapable influences.

What would you do
If everything you felt
Everything you thought and felt and did
Left you with a sick feeling
In your stomach
That just wouldn't go away?

It's your fault.
Even if it's not your problem.

What do you do
When your heart is caught
In your throat

Choking you with sorrow
To the point where
You can't take in a single breath
Or defend yourself
Against yourself?

When it feels like
A boa constrictor
Is crushing your chest
And you know that your
Already breaking, fragile heart
Will not survive.

What should I do
Since I'm powerless
Against the powers that be?

And I'm imprisoned
In the jail cell
Whose bars
Are my own regrets.

When the one who is the one
Has melted into
Something resembling
Nothing.

What do I do
When I'm lost and alone
An alien on my version
Of planet Earth?

Feeling helpless.
Hopeless.
Heartless.

What can I do
Now that I have become Atlas
And the fate of my world
Rests in my petite hands?

(How can my world
Rest in my petite hands?)

What do I do
Now that I am stopped
At life's crossroad
And both paths
Are blocked?

And it's
...
it's
...
it's like
---
I'll never be enough.

Even when
I'm everything
I can possibly be.

I will Never. Be. Enough.